


To Feel is a Double-Edged Sword

by Anonymous



Category: Fallout 4
Genre: Aromantic Character, Explicit Consent, Forced Orgasm, Grief/Mourning, I've never actually written porn before, Light Bondage, Multiple Orgasms, Orgasm Delay/Denial, Penetrative Sex, Porn with Feelings, Robot Sex, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred, Sex Toys, Vibrators, ace-spec character, and then one day i sat down and wrote 10k+ words of it, mention of body dysphoria, touch-starved nick
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-04
Updated: 2020-09-04
Packaged: 2021-03-06 21:13:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,218
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26285482
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Grief and guilt and disgust with his own body are all Nick has felt for a very long time. Codsworth wants him to feel something else. Something good.
Relationships: Codsworth/Nick Valentine
Comments: 5
Kudos: 19
Collections: Anonymous





	To Feel is a Double-Edged Sword

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [a quick doodle](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/678637) by radioactivevampire. 



> [](https://radioactivevampire.tumblr.com/post/186981594690/robopuss-nick-valentine-with-very-powerful-dildo)   
> 

When the raiders burned down Sanctuary to the ground Nick Valentine had been halfway across the Commonwealth, trying to track down a wayward husband. He heard the distress call that Minutemen Radio sent out and came as fast as he could, arriving just in time to see Preston and the other Minutemen laying their general to rest. It had taken them all that time to find what was left of her body.

The Minutemen voted unanimously to disband the settlement. There had been only one surviving settler, a child who had hidden in a cellar as the place burned around her, and Codsworth, who had been in pieces when they found him. The child would be sent to the farm to the south. Codsworth... none of them had any suggestions on what to do for Codsworth.

There was nothing else Nick could do to help. He and Codsworth headed back toward Diamond City at nightfall.  
That had been almost a year ago and Nick was no nearer to finding the lost husband than he had been the day he left for Sanctuary.

"Never fear, Mr. Valentine," Codsworth told him, hovering before the desk like a client. "With the two of us working together I'm sure we will find him in no time."

That was becoming the least of his concerns. He knew what it meant when someone vanished this completely. The Institute gave and the Institute took away, and there was nothing you could do. He'd learned that long ago.

Nora, though... it wasn't the Institute that had taken her. It was raiders, just nameless, disorganized raiders, the kind that she should have survived. The kind he should have been there to defend against.

He was struggling with Nora's loss, harder, it seemed, than Codsworth. He supposed after two hundred years of grieving her Codsworth already had the routine down cold. But Nick was barely processing anything.

"Mr. Valentine?" Codsworth said. "Sir?"

"Yeah, Codsworth?"

"If you'll pardon my saying so, you look exhausted. Won't you sit down? I'll make us a nice cup of tea."

"That neither one of us can drink," Nick reminded him. He didn't sit down but he did lean back against the desk. It was a relief, actually. Sometimes his body surprised him with how human it could feel.

"If it would help, I have many other modes that used to comfort Miss Nora."

"You don't gotta do that."

"It's no trouble at all! Let's see." For a moment the only noise came from the thruster that kept him upright. Nick tipped his head back and closed his eyes. "I can mimic the sounds of songs playing in the next room. Very specific. Pre-programmed."

"I'll pass."

"Soothing spa day? The hour-long bath won't do, of course, but I'm sure I can find lavender in such a busy marketplace as Diamond City. I'm told it has a lovely smell."

Nick said nothing. A familiar weariness had settled into his bones.

"Gardening, a walk to the park... light back massage?"

"Mm." He'd never had a back massage, wasn't even sure it would do anything for this synthetic body. He had pre-war memories, though. It had helped that Nick Valentine relax.

"Would you like to try it out?"

Wearily he opened up his eyes. What did he have to lose? It wasn't like he was making great strides on anything today.

"Your coat, sir?"

His mind felt like molasses. He blinked at Codsworth.

"I will hang it up for you, or if you'd like to keep it you may. I just worry you won't be able to feel a thing through it."

"No, you got a point." He shrugged the coat from his shoulders and let Codsworth take it from him. "I just... it's been a while."

"Sir?"

"Since anyone's touched me. At all. Short of trying to kill me."

"Sir." Codsworth's voice was so empathetic it brought a lump to his nonexistent throat. "That's awful."

"Can you blame them?" He gestured to the holes in his face and throat, the metal laid bare visible through his thin shirt. "Who'd want to touch something like this?"

"I would." As he spoke Codsworth floated closer as if to prove his words. He did one of those attachment quick changes where he reached into the back of his chassis, and what he brought out was baffling at first. Where his buzz saw had been he now sported some sort of thick rubber wheel, its circumference covered in good-sized knots.

"I appreciate that." Nick pointed out the attachment, and when Codsworth bobbed his eyestalks in assent he took it in his hands for a closer look. There was some give to it but not much. "This thing looks downright pornographic, though."

"Sir!" Codsworth's eyes swiveled away.

"I'm kidding, I'm kidding. I apologize." He let go of the wheel and put his hands on the desk behind him. "What do you want me to do?"

"If you'll just turn around--yes, just like that--I will cycle through available settings and we shall find one you prefer."

"What do you mean..."

But even as he spoke he felt the wheel touch his back, where his shoulder blades would meet, if he had any, and it started to spin.

He couldn't help but tense at the touch. It was slow, light, deliberate. It was more than he could ever remember having before.

"How is this setting, sir?" Codsworth ran the wheel back and forth across his upper back. "I can press harder, spin faster--I believe I used to have a pulse setting of some kind..."

"No. I mean... if you wanted to push a little deeper..."

Codsworth obligingly pressed the wheel harder into his back and it took all of Nick's self-control not to arch back into the sensation. He could feel it. It had been so long since he'd felt anything. His hands clutched at the desk for support. "Christ, Codsworth. You'll make somebody a hell of a wife someday."

Codsworth chuckled at that, and the sound alone was enough to bring a little warmth into his chest. "I am programmed for domesticity, as they say."

"Can you... little higher..." The wheel moved upward and found a knot of tension just under his neck. He hadn't even known he could get those. Codsworth pressed in a little deeper. His body felt weak. It was all he could do to stay on his feet. "Oh, god. Right there. Right there."

Obligingly the wheel remained in that spot and worried away at the knot until it seemed to melt, and with it Nick's legs. He sank down to his knees before the desk.

"Sir?" Codsworth asked, sounding slightly alarmed. He pulled the wheel back.

"Sorry. I... that felt..." He turned to look back. "God. You got anything else you do that you haven't told me?"

He meant it as a joke, but Codsworth ducked his gaze. "There was one program. Miss Nora... She made a habit of deleting the metadata afterwards, but based on how often she requested it she appears to have enjoyed it. I should warn you, though. It is rather... steamy."

Nick didn't know what to say. If that meant what he thought it meant, it was more than he really wanted to know about Nora.

"But you're a synth, of course." Codsworth perked up at that thought. "You hardly have the analogous parts, and even if you did..."

"I do," Nick interrupted softly.

"Erm, what did you say?"

Maybe it was the sheer relief he felt after that massage but for a change he was actually willing to think about the organs and genitalia the Institute had chosen for him. "I... Early model, remember? I guess they were trying to figure out how close to life they could get." He sank back against the desk, pulling his knees up against his chest. "It's not exactly what I woulda chosen for myself. Most of the time I'd rather have nothing. But it's... I assume it's the same parts as Nora."

"Mr. Valentine, I hardly know what to say."

"I usually just ignore it, but you said this... it helped Nora cool off?"

"Yes. If I recall she programmed it herself. The notes in the code... well, they are hardly appropriate for conversation, but she very much enjoyed it. It was a way to wind down after a long day."

"You think it would help me?" As much as it embarrassed him to ask he did want to know. He'd always wondered but never had the courage to try.

"I... I don't know. What is your level of sensitivity?"

"Low."

"Hmm. I suppose I could, pardon the expression, tweak the programming a bit..."

The expression sounded fine to Nick, but he nodded anyway.

"I warn you, though; Miss Nora had some very specific desires. It may not be something you care for."

God. He closed his eyes, thinking of all the fucked up fetishes he'd run across in two hundred years and two lifetimes. "Which is?"

"Bondage," Codsworth said reluctantly. "Orgasm delay. Light sensory deprivation. The miss preferred rougher things."

He wanted to laugh. "That's it?"

"That is the general routine, yes."

"Jesus, Codsworth. I thought you were gonna tell me she only got off looking at pictures of severed feet or something."

"Oh my goodness, Mr. Valentine, I would never suggest anything like that."

"God." He tried to relax the tension creeping back into his shoulders. "I guess I tend to assume the worst."

"But it's something you would be interested in?"

There was something in Codsworth's voice that sounded almost like... almost like hope. Nick raised his head to look at him. Part of him wanted to cut the conversation off right here, do his level best to forget it ever happened, but he did have... not so much memories as remembered feelings. Things that the pre-war Nick did and had done to him. Building pressure. Release. He'd never worked up the courage to actually touch himself and the idea of asking somebody, a sex worker or something, did nothing for him. As often as he got romantically attached to people (and he never did, not in all these years), he just couldn't do this with someone he didn't know and trust. Besides, it was humiliating. What a disgusting combination, he'd always thought. The lifelike if discolored thing between his legs and the dead nerves and exposed metal of the rest of him was too sickening a contrast to imagine bringing it in front of someone human.

But Codsworth... Somehow he knew that Codsworth would never judge, at least not aloud. He was too polite. And if what happened upset him, made him feel degraded in any way, Nick was more than happy to escort him to any of the Minutemen settlements, where he'd be safe and never have to interact with him again.

"Codsworth, I... yeah. Why the hell not? As long as you're game."

"Oh, certainly." Codsworth replaced the wheel he still carried with the buzz saw. "When would you...?"

Before he had sense enough to change his mind, he thought. "Where do you want me?"

Codsworth blinked. "Now?"

"Ellie's in Goodneighbor. I'm not expecting anybody. If we keep the doors locked..."

"Goodness." If a robot could blush Nick would bet that Codsworth was. "This is all moving very quickly. There's still so much to discuss..."

"So talk to me." Nick climbed to his feet so that he could look into Codsworth's eye. There was something almost human about that.

"For a start, what is your experience level with bondage?"

"Don't have any."

"Purposefully rough sex?"

The stomach he didn't have flipped inside him. "Nope."

"Er... you generally prefer what they call 'vanilla' sex, I take it?"

"Wouldn't know."

Codsworth pulled back. "You mean..."

"Yes. And no. I mean, it's not like old Nick was inexperienced, but in this body? Haven't, uh... popped that particular cherry."

"My god." Codsworth backed away quickly. "I am so sorry, Mr. Valentine. One's first time should be special, I should never have suggested... I... could put together something gentler."

"No." He could see what Nora saw in the rough stuff. Giving up control, especially with the weight she'd carried on her shoulders, must have been her wildest dream come true. And restraints, well, it was the same thing, wasn't it? Someone could do to you what you wanted done and you could pretend you never wanted it at all, that it was wanted for you, guilt-free. God, was he tired of guilt. "I want whatever it is you're offering."

"Are you sure? I might... it might not be what you want."

That sent a shiver up and down his body. God. Yeah, he knew exactly what Nora saw in it. "If it's not I'll ask you to stop. I... I can ask you to stop, right?"

"Of course! Any time for any reason! I certainly won't be offended. There are safe words for that purpose exactly."

Nick crooked an eyebrow at him. "What, stop?"

"Er, no. Well, not with Miss Nora. Her predilection for the rougher stuff included roleplay occasionally. She liked to pretend... no didn't always mean no, if you understand what I mean?"

Both of Nick's hands tightened on the desk behind him.

"She used colors to indicate her enjoyment of the experience. If she said nothing, or the word 'green,' I understood her to mean that she was enjoying herself and I should continue doing what I was doing. 'Yellow' meant I needed to be cautious because she suspected something was no longer going to be pleasurable. 'Red' meant to immediately stop and we'd end the encounter."

If he had a heart it would be in his throat.

"And if for some reason she wasn't able to speak, there was a nonverbal safe word as well."

"Why wouldn't..." He cut himself off. A gag. She had asked him to gag her.

"It was... let's see... three twists of the head, and a vocalization of whatever kind she could make to go with each one."

A flame had flared up behind his abdomen. God. Why did this all sound appealing?

"We could use something similar, if you wish?"

He struggled to keep his voice level. "The old stoplight trick, huh? Yeah, that should work."

"I always forget," Codsworth said, "that you have memories from before the war as well. I rarely meet anyone familiar with the concept of a stoplight."

For a moment he wanted to ask who else Codsworth had done this for, but he decided he prefered not to know.

"What are you comfortable with?"

"Hmm?"

"In terms of sex. It's important to know ahead of time what one's limits are."

"I don't know. I... I can't think..."

"Restraints, for instance. Would you be comfortable having your arms bound?"

The weight of it all was starting to come down on him. He was sure his entire body was shaking. "Sure."

"Mmhm. What about legs?"

"I... maybe..."

"Tentative yes? Something to keep an eye on. Speaking of, blindfolds?"

God. It took all the willpower he had to admit, "Yeah."

"Yes to those. Would you be comfortable being gagged?"

He found he was pressing his thighs together. His entire body was white-hot. "Whatever you want."

Codsworth tilted his eye to one side. "What I want? I want you to have an enjoyable time that you don't regret."

"Maybe, then. God, I don't know..."

"And what would be your limits on penetration?"

Oh, god.

"If it's something you aren't at all comfortable with..."

"No. No, it's... it's hard to know. There's so much. We could try?"

"Certainly. In that case I would recommend we restrict ourselves to vaginal penetration. Erm..." Codsworth glanced down at the floor. "Assuming you have... I'm making too many assumptions."

"It's a good idea. I'm just... this is all..." He took a deep, shaky breath. "I honestly wouldn't know the first thing about it. I'd rather have you lead. I don't care what you do as long as you... warn me beforehand."

"Absolutely." Codsworth straightened up. "And may I say, sir, what an honor it is to be your first?"

"Please don't."

"Alright then." Codsworth waved his pincer arm back and forth. "I'm afraid I'm not much good at complicated ties or tricks. I hope that's alright."

Faintly, Nick said, "Yeah."

"Should we retire to the bedroom?"

If he was honest with himself, he would admit that he wasn't sure he could walk back there. "I... if we stayed here..."

"Ah. Fancy doing it on the desk, then?" Nick winced. "I apologize, that was crude. Perhaps you'd better tell me where you would prefer."

"No." It was hard to make himself speak. "Here. Here's good. At least you won't set fire to the bedsheets."

At that Codsworth laughed. It made something in Nick's chest screw tighter. "A fair point. Why don't you start removing excess clothes, and I'll start removing..." He gestured at the mess Nick kept on his desktop. "...assorted bric-a-brac?"

He nodded without being fully aware of it, and Codsworth moved easily past him to the desk. Part of him couldn't believe this was happening. He knelt down to start removing his shoes. It took so much focus just to undo the laces. He could hear Codsworth humming, and he thought... maybe this wasn't completely abnormal. Maybe getting some crumb of pleasure from this was something he...

He didn't want to say it was something he deserved, or was even worthy of, but it wasn't something that made him a freak for wanting.

He stripped down to his boxers and shirt and nervously picked at the buttons.

"Keeping the shirt on?"

When he looked Codsworth was looking back at him, but his eyes caught on the space cleared on the desk. "I'm working my way up to it."

"If you'd prefer to leave it on I certainly don't mind. I'd much rather you were comfortable."

While his legs and face weren't exactly comforting with the amount of holes in them, the exposed metal in his arms was the last thing he wanted to see during something like this. "Compromise?" he asked as he undid the buttons. "On but unbuttoned?"

"Whatever you'd like, sir."

He winced. "Please don't call me that. Nick is fine. Just Nick."

"Er, right." Codsworth glanced at the space on the desk. "Would you like to hop up and I'll show you what we have to work with?"

Though there was nothing in his throat he swallowed hard. There was a short, awkward moment where he squeezed around Codsworth--he could feel the heat from his thruster even in the metal of his body--and he slid himself back to sit on top of the desk. He was shaking, or should have been. As he watched Codsworth pulled out attachments like the world's most intimate magic trick. In lieu of the flambe tool he brought out something like a brush, thick with a substance he couldn't identify. Instead of the pincer he brought out...

Oh. Oh, christ.

He couldn't help the tangle of feelings that came up in him when he saw the cylinder--the dildo, might as well call it what it was--Codsworth brought out. It wasn't really textured like a penis, only vaguely similar, and that brought a relief in him he didn't expect. But it was huge, almost as big around as a man's fist and longer than he would have thought.

"Mr. Valentine?" Codsworth asked softly. "I mean, Mr. Nick?"

He let out a shaky breath. "I... I don't know if I can fit all that."

"I'm very sorry. Miss Nora had..."

"Specific desires. I remember." For a moment he focused on his breathing. "Only one way to find out." He nodded his head toward the brush. "And that?"

"Oh. Lubricant." Codsworth examined the brush as if he'd never seen it before. "The miss' recipe. A sixteen to one ratio of water and cornstarch, boiled for consistency. Is it too awkward that it was hers?"

"No." He really didn't want to think about Nora right now. Maybe if things had been different--if he could think about her crooked grin and fascination with anything mechanical and the way she threw back her head when she laughed--maybe then. Hell, maybe he could pretend he'd ever had a shot at her at all. But he couldn't. All he could remember was the box they had laid in the ground. "What else have you got?"

"Only this." Codsworth showed him the arm that had carried the buzz saw and the wheel. Neither attachment was on at present. All that remained was the small box on the end of his arm and the motor contained within it.

"What...?"

"May I see your hand?"

He held out his good hand, and Codsworth placed the box in the center of his palm. He didn't realize what was happening before suddenly it was vibrating wildly against his hand and the tension in his shoulders flared. "Shit." He pulled back his hand and traced a thumb over where the box had been. It felt like electricity pulsing in his hand where the motor had met it. "That's not what it's made for, is it?"

"No," Codsworth admitted. "But I'm told the vibrations can be pleasant."

"I'll bet." It felt like tension building in his belly, too, stronger and meaner than the tension in his back and shoulders. "What do you want me to do?"

"That depends entirely on what you're comfortable with. Would you want to... er... show me yours as I've shown you mine, as they say?"

He swallowed again, another meaningless gulp. "Y-yeah. Hang on a sec." With hands that felt like they were made of cement he tugged the boxers down and off underneath him, shifting his weight from one hip to the other and wanting to shiver as the cool air met the warmest part of his body. He kept his eyes on a cobweb on the ceiling that had escaped the last sweep. Part of him really didn't want to know how Codsworth would react.

"Ah," Codsworth said. "Very analogous. I must admit that's a bit of a relief. I don't have much experience with other sorts of parts. Or any experience, really. Shall I..."

That felt too kind a transition for him. "You don't think it's weird? It's... the rest of me is all exposed parts and then there's just this."

Codsworth floated closer and set the motor box gently on his thigh. Nick's breath hitched in his throat as the other two limbs nudged his legs apart, exposing his vulva to the plain office lighting. He wanted to run. He wanted to apologize. He wanted to leave and never come back. He just couldn't move.

"Not at all," Codsworth said at last. "It's very you. Made of the same stuff as the rest of your skin, I take it?"

All he could do was nod.

"Even so, very lifelike. Quite impressive, even. May I?"

He choked on absolutely nothing. "Go... go ahead."

When Codsworth gently parted the folds with the dildo and he could feel the air on all the anatomical parts he'd been afraid of owning, though, he went rigid.

"Should I stop?" Codsworth asked.

"No. I just... I try not to think about all this. It's not what old Nick had. It's not what I wanted." Inside his head he could barely admit the truth--whatever sort of genitalia the Institute could have given him would have shackled him with dysphoria either way. There wasn't much he envied about those early gen-II models, but some days he would kill to have that smooth, blank expanse between his legs and feel nothing. "What do you want me to do?"

Codsworth thought for a moment. "You seemed to respond the most enthusiastically toward the blindfold. Shall we?"

"Yeah." He took the tie Codsworth picked up from the pile of discarded clothes, took a deep, deep breath, and raised it to his eyes.

The darkness was a relief he wasn't expecting. He didn't have to look at himself, he didn't have to imagine this was him at all. He struggled to knot the tie behind his head.

"How are we holding up?"

"Good," he whispered. "I'm fine. What do you want me to do with my hands?"

"You're still interested in bondage? As I said I'm not very adept with ropes but I have... er... electrical tape. That could be painful, though, which was the entire point originally but..."

"I use it sometimes on wounds. I'm not sensitive enough for it to hurt."

"Ah. Very good." He could hear Codsworth reaching behind him for something. "Do you prefer arms in front, or arms in back?"

"Whichever."

"Oh, come now. Surely you must have a preference."

As always he was right, even if Nick didn't want to admit it, didn't want to let himself think about how much he wanted this, wanted his arms immobilized so that he could imagine this was... was what? Not what he wanted?

It was, though. It absolutely was.

Almost reluctantly he brought his wrists behind his back. "Might as well go for broke, right?"

"You're sure? Please don't feel obligated."

"No. Do it. As much as you can do."

One of Codsworth's arms came up beneath his, lifting them almost perpendicular to his body. Even as the tape began to wind around and around his arms and chest Nick felt like he could still call the whole thing off if he wanted, and the shirt protected his old wounds from the tape.

"How's that?"

"Good." His voice shook. "That's, uh, nice."

"Do you want to go any further as far as restraints? It's entirely up to you, but you look a bit panicked and I don't want to press."

His voice came out stiff and strained. "Maybe just this for now."

"Alright. In that case we... shall we give this the old college try?"

As much as he hated his body he wanted to know. "Ready when you are."

"Right. Could you repeat back to me those safewords?"

"'Stop says the red light, go says the green, caution says the yellow one blinking in between.'"

"And the other?"

His chest flushed, hot against the cool air. "I'm not..."

"Just in case!"

He clenched his jaw until it creaked. Somehow this felt more intimate even than what they'd done so far. But he turned his head, whispered, "Ah," turned it back, "Ah," and a third time with a third vocalization.

"Perfect! Thank you so much, I hate to be the worrywart but I'd much rather be that than miss a signal you give me."

His heart was pounding so hard he could feel it in the coolant lines of his throat. He swallowed again.

"Let me know when you're ready and I'll help you lay down."

He hadn't thought this far ahead. He squeezed his eyes closed behind the blindfold and tried to ease himself back. Codsworth caught him halfway down and lowered him gently until he was lying on his back on top of the desk, legs hardly on its surface at all. His entire body flushed. He hadn't felt so exposed in years. He only rarely undressed by himself, and as far as he could remember nobody else had ever seen him like this. He took deep, gulping breaths, trying to calm down. He'd asked for this. He had wanted it--no, still wanted it--but to actually be here, exposed and vulnerable and almost naked in front of someone he knew, someone he trusted, someone he would never want to think less of him, brought anxiety blooming out of his chest.

In the darkness before him a gentle buzzing started up. The motor. This was happening. God, was it happening. He shifted his legs further apart and hoped like hell he was ready for this.

But the touch didn't come where he expected. When the vibrations, slick with what must have been lubricant, touched down just below his belly he gasped and pulled away for a moment.

"Red?" Codsworth asked him.

"No. Just... just give me a second." You're fine, he told himself. You're fine. "Okay. Give it another go."

Codsworth obliged. Again his belly fluttered, as if to pull away. It wasn't even what he'd think of as an erogenous zone, a soft part of himself that he preferred untouched generally, sure, but the touch brought up this desperate need inside him and he knew, immediately, without a doubt, that he wanted this. He choked back a moan.

"You don't have to do that," Codsworth said, and he flushed with embarrassment. He'd thought he'd been more subtle. "Please feel free to tell me what you want me to do, or if you have trouble with words I'll do my best to interpret any vocalization you want to make."

"The market." He grunted, turning his head toward the door. "People will hear."

"Through concrete walls?"

"Yeah." He could barely think straight. "If I... just shut me up if it gets too loud, alright?"

"You don't..."

"However you have to do it," he insisted. He didn't elaborate because how was he going to explain to Codsworth the feelings he got when he thought of someone taking a wad of fabric and jamming it deep into his mouth?

"Mmhm." Codsworth brushed the motor box over Nick's belly, almost the ghost of a touch, and his whole body seemed to shake in response.

When it moved south to brush over the mons pubis he couldn't repress the spasm that raced through him. "More?"

"All you have to do is ask." The vibrations pressed harder into him. They moved to the inside of his thigh, lower, crossed to the other thigh, every movement bringing it closer and closer to the place he most wanted it but always staying just outside.

If he had hair it would be standing on end. If he had a throat it would have gone dry. "Please. More."

The vibrations came down into the articulated place where his thigh met his hip and he could feel it, it was reverberating in his vulva, and his legs tensed so hard he was sure they were shaking.

"How does that feel?"

"Good. God, so good." He twisted his hips without realizing it.

"I'm glad." The other two arms gently pressed at his thighs, pushing his legs open and the vibrations dipped lower, dancing against his labia and he could feel himself opening up at that. "Though I suspect you'll enjoy it even more when I actually touch your clitoris."

His eyes flew open behind the blindfold. He hadn't even considered that, and the casual way Codsworth put it out there was so unexpected, and his hips bucked against the desk. "Hang on. Um, yellow."

Codsworth obligingly pulled back, just enough to give him room to breathe. The vibrations were still there, centimeters away, if he wanted them.

"God." A shiver, a shudder, ran up and down his body. "Ah... you said with Nora there was a... a delay."

"Yes. She seemed to find it an even better experience if she delayed as long as possible. I admit I don't fully understand myself, but I can try to recreate the technique on you, if you'd like."

Better experience, huh. Sure. Might as well have the best experience possible after all these years of having to live with this... body. "You think it'd work on me?"

"I do. Would it embarrass you if I say that your reactions are very much like Miss Nora's? She also enjoyed... er..."

"If you're up for it," Nick interrupted. Nora was the last thing he wanted to think about like this. "You lead, I'll follow."

"Of course." The vibrations returned, this time to his lower abdomen. The spot was not quite ticklish but Nick was surprised at how much more it made him want this. He twisted impatiently on the desk. He didn't want time to think about this. He just wanted...

He didn't know what he wanted.

Something cool and slick but definitely ticklish brushed over his labia and reached gently inside, and at the touch he yelped, snapping his legs together. This was not helpful. He was trapping whatever it actually was in place. "Jesus, Codsworth. Warn a guy."

"I'm so very sorry." Codsworth's arm carefully disengaged and the thing that touched him pulled back, but the cool slick feeling remained. The vibrations eased a bit but didn't entirely let up. "I thought... I wasn't sure how much natural lubrication you would have, and I certainly don't want to irritate you, especially there."

"It's the..."

"The lubricant. Yes. I can look for alternatives, but it may take a few weeks."

"No, it's fine." He shifted his hips enough to feel his thighs slip against one another. "Just startled me, is all. Wasn't expecting it to be that cold."

"Oh dear. I suppose if I'd given it much thought I would've warmed it with the old internal motor before attempted use. Are you alright? Should I stop?"

He wished that Codsworth would stop apologizing so frequently but couldn't bring himself to mention it. Why was he apologizing, anyway? Wasn't this what they had talked about? "No. I mean, yes. Just... Please, keep going."

The vibrations trailed down, over his hips and under. He expected it to focus on the clitoris, if he had one, or at least return to where it had been before, but he had to arch into it to even feel it cross his vulva. It settled between his legs, right at the very core of him, and began to pulse softly, tracing a circuit in the synthetic flesh that hid his vaginal opening.

"Ohh..." The sensation was stronger than he had expected and he found himself scratching at the desk beneath him, struggling to grip something. But he'd gotten what he'd asked for. His arms were pretty well immobilized. There was nothing he could do as it buzzed... everything. His entire body, it felt like. Without realizing it he spread his legs a little wider.

"Are you still interested in penetration?"

He barely knew what he was saying. "Yes."

He heard the other arm coming in and tried to brace himself as best as he could. His disgust with his own body meant nothing had ever entered him before, and with the size of the attachment he almost dreaded how much force it would take to...

But it didn't. The vibrations moved a bit higher, just over where his clitoris should have been, and something solid, slick, and warm replaced it.

"Oh god."

"Tell me if it's too much," Codsworth said softly, and pressed the dildo forward.

At first only the tip entered, and he was surprised at how little it hurt. He'd expected pain, but the form did as the vibrator had done and worked its way inside in circles. This was alright, he thought. Maybe Institute technology...

And then it pushed past the labial lips and actually entered his vagina.

He heard himself cry out. It was still only the tip but the pressure, there really was no give to the dildo, and he pulled himself back without being aware of it.

"Oh my god," Codsworth said. "Red? I am so sorry. I wish I had something smaller..."

"No." His voice was so soft even he struggled to hear it. "I... Give me a sec to get used to it. Yellow. It's y-yellow."

For a moment Codsworth didn't move. He was doubtful; Nick didn't need to see to know that much. To prove to them both that he was still in the game, he inched his way forward on the desk until the tip of the dildo pressed against him again. It felt... it felt...

"Are you sure you want this?"

"Positive." He ground his hips against the attachment, trying to find a way to slip it back inside. Codsworth shifted his arm just a bit and it did.

"Oh, oh, christ..." The thing was barely in him but he knew he had to try for more. He wanted something to hold onto. If he could brace against the desk... he fought the electrical tape keeping him bound. There was no give, but it sent a flame through his body. God. He couldn't control it. He had no control over this, and he wouldn't have it any other way.

The vibrator stroked gently along the seam that ran between his hipbones and it seemed to buzz inside him, like he was already in there, like... like...

"Codsworth?" he whispered.

"Yes?"

"Go slow."

"I... yes, of course, sir. Am I hurting you very badly? This was such a foolish idea..."

"Go slow," Nick repeated, "but go."

"Ah," said Codsworth.

The dildo pressed into him the slightest bit before retreating, and then gently, gingerly, pushing a little deeper.

"Oh..." He was panting now, for all the good it would do him, and the feeling of something inside was so intense he couldn't move his legs. "Oh, god..."

"Breathe."

He raised his head toward the sound of the voice, though the blindfold made it pointless. "W-what?"

"Breathe. If you take deeper breaths more slowly it will come easier."

"Fat lot of good that's gonna do me. I'm not human, remember?"

"No," Codsworth said, almost cheerfully, "but you're very like one."

Part of him wanted to snap back that all you had to do was look at him to disprove that, but another part felt tears--tears he couldn't even produce--in his eyes at that. "I can't."

"Of course you can! Here, I'll do it with you." The buzzing in the motor box grew softer, and it came down to rest on his leg. "We're breathing in... we're breathing out. We're breathing in... we're breathing out. We're feeling better... we're getting relaxed."

It was a struggle to match his breathing to the words. Beyond a sigh or hum or other noise to make actual humans feel more comfortable around him he rarely even used the lung-like cooling system, opting instead for the more efficient fans. Those he could hear whirring like mad inside his chest, and they weren't doing a bit of good. He tried to slow his breathing but before Codsworth had moved to "breathing out" he could already feel something like oxygen starvation and was pulling in another gasp of air.

"Lovely!" Codsworth patted the motorbox lightly on his thigh. "You're getting the hang of it!"

Whatever else he had down there must have been raging with hormones, because he felt a sob trying to rise at that. He choked it back down again and focused on ignoring the pain. The breathing was all he had, was about the only thing he could do.

"There, see? We're less tense already." Codsworth lifted the box off his leg. "Do you want to stop? This doesn't seem very pleasurable for you anymore."

It felt as if his entire body were clamping down on the intrusion. It did hurt, but it wasn't as painful. The hurt felt more like... fear. And hurt wasn't all it did. Whatever fire he was feeling hadn't gone out. "It's always like this your f-first time. I... I want you to keep going."

Codsworth said nothing in response. Instead he kept repeating, "We're breathing in..." and as Nick let out a shaky exhale he pressed the dildo in deeper. "...we're breathing out."

Whether it was the breathing or just his body realizing what was happening, this thrust was easier. His back arched up off the desk as it came, and the gently buzzing motorbox came to press him back down. It traced the edges of the tape that bound him and the seams of his chest and abdomen. It was far more gentle than he had expected. The next exhale stuttered in his throat.

"Red? Yellow?"

The pain was less now, after the breathing. He could start to focus on how it felt. And it felt... it felt closeness, like stimulation on the inner walls of his vagina, like the start of something that could feel good. It felt like letting go, just a little, of how much he despised his body. "You think I can take it deeper?"

"I think a better question is whether you want to take it deeper."

For a moment he lay there, letting the buzz of the vibrations ease a little of the tension in his chest and arms. He could feel himself pulsing, contracting around the dildo. "Wasn't the whole point of this that you would have control?"

"No."

The answer was so simple and he said it so kindly that Nick could hardly argue. The fact that his mind felt like swimming through honey didn't help.

"I have an idea. Before we worry about that, why don't we..." The vibrator trailed down his belly--even though he could hardly feel it, even with all the dead nerves and broken skin, it made his breath catch in his throat--and settled once more on his vulva. There was pressure now inside and out, and between them there was a brilliant little star flaring with sensation and he thought yes, the Institute definitely gave him a clitoris and the stimulation definitely took his breath away. It felt good, and then the vibrations increased and it felt amazing.

He tried to raise his hips off the desk, angling for more pressure, but Codsworth moved with him. He tried to articulate what he wanted, and as he opened his mouth the vibrations increased again and what came out instead was a needy, shameless moan.

"Does that feel good?"

"Yes." It took another minute to get his breath back under his control. "Oh, god, yes."

The dildo began to pump just a small bit, no more than a few centimeters in either direction, and any pain he felt was suddenly swept away by how very much he wanted this. As the seconds--minutes?--passed his body began to adjust to the feelings, though it didn't stop the ocean of excitement in his lower abdomen from washing hard over him. The vibrations intensified and it felt like something opening him even more, and for another moment he had no idea what was happening to him, and then he realized how much he was rolling his hips, trying to get the sensation deeper, everywhere, and he thought was this it, was this what orgasm was, it was happening, he was...

And suddenly the vibrations stopped.

For a moment he lay there, confused, panting, just this side of climax, before the vibrations started again, wildly intense, for a few seconds, circling around his clitoris--he groaned, arched up off the desk--and turned off again.

"You... you're teasing me," he managed to gasp. But he didn't feel upset. He felt almost... playful, maybe?

"I am," Codsworth admitted. "You asked for a delay."

"Yeah, yeah." He sank back against the desk and tried to slow his breathing, even as the vibrations started again and the movement inside him grew a bit faster. It felt good, but with deeper breaths it felt incredible. The sensations went so much deeper. His thighs strained, trying to close, trying to pull back, but a sudden burst of intense vibrations froze him in place with a strangled shriek. Behind the blindfold his eyes unfocused. His shoulders curled up off the desk, his legs quivered, simultaneously trying to close and to open, to get less, to get more, and when the vibrations stopped again he fell back, exhausted. "C-christ, Codsworth."

Codsworth hummed in acknowledgement. At some point he must have slipped the dildo farther in, because it felt deeper, Nick felt fuller, and any trace of pain had slipped behind a wave of pleasure and need.

"Please," he gasped.

"Please what, sir?"

"Dammit, you know what."

"Ah. This you mean?"

And the thrusts hit harder, the vibrations pressed deeper, his entire body tensed, he braced himself for the edge... and once again it all stopped. "Goddammit!"

"Not just yet, I think." Codsworth brought the motorbox to buzz along the seams of his belly again. "Give it time."

He couldn't help it. He moaned, almost despairing.

"We'll get you there. Don't worry. Will you help me hold it?"

Hold what? he almost asked, but the ticklish vibrations trailed lower and his body tensed. "I-I don't know how to do that."

"Do you mean to tell me you don't know how to deny yourself something? You? Really, sir. I know we haven't spent that much time together, but General Atomics did not build a fool."

That brought a laugh to his chest, the first one in months, it felt like.

"It's simpler than it sounds. Not easy, mind you, but fairly simple."

"Worth it, though?"

"Oh, sir." Codsworth's voice was fond, and it brought an unfamiliar stabbing pain to his chest. "Very much so."

"Alright. I'm trusting you on this."

"And it honors me very much." The slow, almost lazy pumping began again. "I do hope your body has adjusted somewhat to the size? You seem to be enjoying yourself but you're very tight."

If he could have he would have flushed. "You, uh... you can actually go a little harder, if you want. Doubt I'm gonna break." In response he felt the dildo push deeper than before, nearer to... to what? "Codsworth, please..." Without a word the pumping increased in speed and depth. Nick's entire body rocked with it, trying to chase a sensation he had never thought he'd feel. "Ohh... oh god..."

"Will you tell me what you're feeling? I'm also open to other suggestions."

"Mmm... mmmf." He had to bite at his lips to keep from shouting. "Sh-shit..." The vibrations met on the outside of his body where the end of the thrusting reached inside, like someone massaging, kneading. It was incredible. It wasn't enough. "Please..."

"Please what?"

"I need more..." Instead the attachment was pulled back, out of him entirely. "God, you want me to beg? I'm begging you."

"Don't worry. I haven't gone anywhere." Now it pressed back into him, slicker, easier. More lubricant. "Are we ready?"

"So ready."

"Excellent. On three. One... two..."

On the count of three it pumped deeper into him but now twisted inside, like, like one of those electric drills. He cried out, didn't realize he was opening his legs as wide as he could, he needed it harder, faster, more and Codsworth gave it to him... and when the vibrations intensified on his clitoris, holding it firm between the motorbox outside and the solid dildo moving back and forth inside, he rocked his head back against the desk and screamed.

He screamed for barely a moment, and then the cloth was in his mouth. Exactly like he asked. Jammed in, hard, hard enough he could feel the force behind it and taste something strange--the end of the brush attachment, he realized, Codsworth only had so many arms--but it felt even hotter than he'd thought it would and he moaned and begged and hearing his own muffled voice sent sparks straight to all his most sensitive spots.

"Hold it for me, please," Codsworth said, just loud enough to hear over everything else. "Can you help me hold it?"

His mind was in so many places at once and the sensations so great at pulling him away that he barely understood, but he tried to hold himself at the edge with all of his strength. The spinning of the dildo, pulling at him, trying to drag him over, got him close, so close he was sure he was past the point of no return, but it slowed, the vibrations let up. It kept pumping, but the twisting became so much slower and it wasn't quite enough to take him.

His muffled complaints brought a chuckle from Codsworth. "Once more, do you think?"

He worked the cloth back out of his mouth. "Once more what? Once more you're gonna stop, or once more you're gonna let me..."

"The former."

Nick groaned. "I... I don't know if I got that in me."

"You do. I know you do." The angle of the thrusting changed slightly, first one way and then the other, like he was searching. "Hmm." The vibrator patted his hip gently. "It's up to you, however. Red?"

That feeling in his chest, like a sob trying to come up, was back. "You really think I can?"

Codsworth made a noise indicating a 'yes.'

His hips shifted restlessly against the desk. "What if I can't? What happens if it's too much?"

"That's when you'll want to indicate a yellow." He honestly wasn't sure he could do that much. "Or if you don't think you can hold out, you can always let it happen. What's important is that you get pleasure out of this."

He tried not to let the sensation of needing to cry break his voice. "That much I can do. The rest I can try. I can't promise."

"You will do beautifully," Codsworth assured him.

The rotation increased. The depth, the speed of the thrusts increased. The vibration returned to lightly buzz just over the clitoral hood. Nick closed his eyes and focused on his breathing. His entire body was shaking now. There was no doubt about that anymore.

He wasn't aware of rocking his hips slightly, up into the vibrator and down into the dildo, but he felt when the vibrations finally slipped down onto his clitoris. It was like a searing pain, but it wasn't quite a pain, it was a bright light flashing behind his eyes and he thought, with the last shred of analytical mind, that as much as he hated this body it could feel so, so good.

The thrusts got even faster, coming from deep inside to almost outside of his body in a second, or a fraction of a second, and the muscles in his legs tensed, his vagina tightened around the dildo, and though the vibrations weren't as intense as before they were a constant. He bit his own lip, trying not to cry out again, trying to deny himself the relief of finally releasing everything that was building up, trying to keep control of his breathing as it slammed into him over and over and over and every fan in his body was running, his entire body felt like the flame of a candle, he got his feet against the side of the desk and struggled to lift his hips, and Codsworth let him, let him press against the vibrator as hard as he could and as he tilted on the edge of climax everything, vibrator, dildo, everything, pulled out, leaving him writhing on the desk, empty, aching for more, god, he just needed a little more, he tried to press his thighs together and get some kind of stimulation from that but Codsworth's arms gently inserted themselves between them so that all he could do was struggle and whine and thrash.

"I knew you could," Codsworth told him, and the fondness in his voice was so clear that Nick choked back another sob.

"Please," he begged. Something like a knot was building behind his belly, flaring in desperation. "God, please, I..."

"You what?"

Part of him bristled at having to spell it out but the need was so strong that it overpowered him. "I need it. Please, for the love of god, would you let me cum already?"

"Mr. Valentine, you are entirely too polite for your own good."

What did that mean? he thought, but then the dildo, slicked again with more lubricant, entered him and the vibrator, slicked the same, pressed down onto him and he lost all train of thought.

God, it was even more this time, he could feel every centimeter of the dildo thrusting in and out, the vibrator practically dancing across his vulva before it pressed down. It pressed down, exactly where he was most sensitive, and it took moments to bring him back to the edge. His body strained for release, true release this time, and he cried, "Close, too close," and Codsworth said, as calmly as a greeting, "Please, go ahead and orgasm for me," and the formality of the word only revved it up, legs shaking, body fighting, and he struggled to keep his breaths deep, and then the knot behind his belly pulled free, the flame exploded outward, and as a wave of pleasure crashed down on him he cried out and he finally, finally came.

It was blinding. It was like he was torn apart but instead of pain all he felt was pleasure. It was nothing he had ever in a hundred years imagined this body would ever be able to give him.

And it kept going.

Old Nick, in his pre-war body, had memories of the pleasure turning painful if stimulated too long post-orgasm--refractory period, he had a refractory period--but Codsworth didn't even let up. The pain that had been hidden emerged, only a little, only to make him that much more sensitive. He writhed against the sheer surface of the desk, his hands balled into fists, muscles heaving against the tape that bound him, and he hit the peak a second time.

It was more, everything was more the second time around and god almighty he wasn't sure he could take more and he whispered to nothing, "No, no, no..."

"Do you want me to stop?" Codsworth asked, a tinge of alarm in his voice.

"No. Green. Green." How long could he hold it off? He didn't know but it seemed critically important and he told himself, "Stop, no, god please stop," but to Codsworth he begged, "Green," afraid beyond reason that the stimulation might stop before it resolved. "Ah, ah, I..." The words turned to mush in his mouth, it felt like he was losing his mind but he didn't care even a little, his entire body was stiff with aching need and the sob that kept threatening inside him finally tore itself from his throat and he came again, harder, harder than he would have thought possible in any body, hard enough that for the length of another breath he wasn't trapped in this body but was someone else instead, someone who actually deserved this pleasure.

The sensitivity had flipped a switch somewhere and he was dimly aware that the pain was starting to outweigh the pleasure and he barely breathed, "Red." Afraid he'd spoken too softly he tried to say it again but Codsworth was already slowing and letting up until finally the dildo slipped from inside him and the vibrations eased down to nothing.

It felt like stars, he thought, unsure what he even meant, but it did. It felt like stars. He was breathing, that was all he could do. It was enough. For minutes that felt like hours, it was finally enough.

Somewhere beyond him he could feel Codsworth moving around. Something slid along between his arm and chest, slicing through the electrical tape, then again in a few other places before something round and warm gently peeled it back. An arm--Codsworth's arm, had to be--slipped under his shoulders and lifted him into a semi-sitting position to remove the rest of the tape before laying him down again.

His entire body was still pulsing, and he wasn't sure he could manage his hands or arms well enough to take off the blindfold, so he just lay there, still breathing, fans still running hard enough to shake his entire body. His thoughts drifted from Codsworth to Nora to a flood of emotions he couldn't distinguish.

After a moment he felt someone tug gently at the tie, up over his eyes and off. He opened his eyes just enough to see Codsworth hovering beside him.

"How are we feeling, Mr. Nick?" he asked.

"Good," he tried to say, but as he opened his mouth to speak the flood of emotions swept him away and all that came out was a sob.

"Oh dear!" Codsworth reached out to him but stopped short of touching him. With some effort Nick managed to turn on his side, slipped down to the floor. "Oh no, I didn't mean to... Sir, I'm so sorry..."

Under him the floor was actually as clean as the desk--more of Codsworth's handiwork--and he curled up there. He cried. Even as the aftershocks raced through his body, he cried.

"You weren't ready." Codsworth's voice came a few notes higher than usual. "I shouldn't have pushed you. I thought that what worked for Miss Nora... Oh, this is all my fault!"

"No," he managed to say. He felt too boneless still to raise his arm, but he slid his right hand toward the spot where Codsworth hovered. "I... that was..."

"Sir, please, don't try to spare my feelings, and for the love of General Atomics please don't lay on the floor! If you can bear to touch me, I can help you back to the bed, or if not..." When Nick raised his eyes to him Codsworth was looking frantically from one corner of the room to the next. "I'll bring the bed to you!"

He turned as if to rush off to the bedroom, and Nick found it in himself to reach out, awkwardly lurching, and catch Codsworth's pincer arm with what remained of his hand. "Don't."

"But sir, I..."

"Don't call me that." He shut his eyes tightly. "I... I'm sorry."

"'I'm sorry?'" Codsworth echoed, sounding utterly baffled. "For what? Sir--I mean, Mr. Nick--you have done nothing at all to require an apology!"

But that wasn't true. He rested his cheek against the cool concrete floor and shook his head. None of this was right. This was something Nora used to do with Codsworth and there was no way in hell he deserved anything like that. She was dead and he was here, and he was so unworthy of any kind of love that it made him sick.

"Sir, I think we should get you up off the floor. Please?"

He didn't have the strength for that. "I'm sorry, Codsworth. I shoulda..." His body was warm, throbbing, after all this and it took a moment to steady himself. "I took advantage of you."

"You took advantage of... no, no, it's the other way 'round. I shouldn't have suggested this. You didn't want..."

"I did." All he could manage was a whisper. "I still do. For the wrong reason."

"What reason could possibly...?"

That brought a chuckle to him, but it was not a happy one. "Looking like I do. People don't... This is such a damn disgusting wreck of a body, it's not something you should have to see. The only reason I let you is because I knew you were too polite to mention it. That's... you didn't know what to expect, and the fact that you're living here and probably felt obligated to... to..." He couldn't finish. The tears caught up with him again.

For a moment Codsworth said nothing. Then the warmth of his thruster grew nearer, louder, until Nick dragged his eyes open and saw him settling on the ground in front of him, curling up the flamethrower arm and the buzz saw arm as if he were going to shut down. "Your idea of 'taking advantage' is wanting someone who wouldn't berate you for your body? Sir, with all due respect, that is a level of foolishness I wouldn't have expected from you."

His entire body seemed to contract in a sob.

"And as for the other, the only obligation I felt was my wish to give you as much pleasure as possible. After two hundred and ten years without Miss Nora and her family, I've grown quite adept at declining requests that don't interest me."

God, Nora. "You did it with her. It wasn't... it was a pretty lousy thing to do, to ask you to do _that_ with _me_."

Codsworth sighed.

As bad as he felt it was a struggle to keep his eyes open. After so many years of feeling so little, and now abruptly feeling so much, he felt like a cloth wrenched through a wringer. He didn't have the energy to sustain the crying, even the simulated crying that was all his body was capable of doing. He closed his eyes, just for a moment, he thought, but then something warm and familiar-smelling spread over him. By the time he managed to wrench them open again, it was too late to protest the blanket Codsworth had fetched for him. "Thanks," he whispered as Codsworth settled down beside him once more.

"My pleasure." Codsworth tilted his eyes to one side as if evaluating him. "Sir..."

"Mm?"

"I wouldn't have suggested this if it were something I found distasteful."

"Nora..."

"Miss Nora enjoyed it, yes. And she isn't here to do so anymore. And I..." The words broke off sharply. When he spoke again his voice seemed huskier. "I will miss her 'til my memory banks rust. But if someone else enjoys what we did, and I wish to do the same for them, she would want me to do so. She would be... how would she put it... 'tickled pink,' if you'll pardon the expression, that all those years of practice together paid off."

That innuendo he actually understood. And as weird as it was, he knew Codsworth was right. All Nora had ever wanted was to make people happy. She was the most free-loving person he'd ever known.

Something touched his back, jolting him from his thoughts. He opened his eyes as Codsworth ran the rubber wheel over his upper back again.

"As for your body, it's neither disgusting nor a wreck. It's a lovely body, except that it causes you distress."

His lips quirked in a twitch of a smile. "It's got some problems."

"As do we all, sir. As do we all." The wheel felt so much... more... he was so much more sensitive after it all, and he could barely hold in a moan as Codsworth worked away at a knot of tension on his back. "I still wish I hadn't suggested it, though, knowing now how badly it's made you feel."

"It didn't. God, it didn't." Nick reached out with his damaged hand and touched the pincer arm. It uncurled and came to lay the attachment flat on the floor, and Nick held it in his hand and felt--still incredibly unworthy, but less alone. "I didn't know I could do that."

Codsworth tsked. "As I said, it's a lovely body, just not the one for you. But, sir... er, Mr. Nick... you did enjoy it, didn't you? You aren't humoring me?"

He sounded so earnest that Nick smiled. He squeezed the pincer. "You have to ask? I mean... I came. Three times."

"Ah, true. And may I say... ah..."

"Thank you. First time was special. Just like you said."

Codsworth said nothing. The only sound was that of the fans still running inside Nick's body and the breaths he found were still coming. Between the emotions and the afterglow of sex he was worn out, and the feel of the wheel on his back and shoulders threatened to ease him into something like sleep. He was nearing the point of no return when at last Codsworth said, very softly, "You were lovely."

He gathered up everything in him to raise up on one arm, just enough to look up into Codsworth's eye. "What?"

"You were lovely. All through it, really, but your face just... opens up when you reach climax, and it's a beautiful sight."

"You're not careful, you're gonna make me blush."

"No, I am quite serious. The Commonwealth can be such an ugly place--and the filth, my god, the filth is awful--but every time you... You were quite beautiful. If I may say so. Sir."

Sweet of him to say, but Nick knew it was a stretching of the truth. Beautiful wasn't a word anyone could use to describe him honestly. Even so, it was enough to kick the fans back into high gear, the closest he could come to a blush.

"May I be very frank, sir?"

The chuckle rose up inside him like a bubble. "Nick. I told you to call me Nick. And why stop now?"

"I am not predisposed to attraction, romantic, sexual, all that, and no one is more deserving of a partner who can give all that than you, but until you find such a person... I would be very honored if you would consider me the next time you are feeling poorly for any reason."

He drew his good hand up against his chest. The fan inside was running so fast, thrumming under his fingers, that he thought it might be broken.

"For this sort of thing, I mean, but also if you need a sympathetic ear I can be that ear. Such as it is."

He didn't deserve this. He wanted it desperately but couldn't bring himself to think he was worth it and the two conflicting emotions felt like they were splitting down his chest.

"I'm also told that I make a very good chicken soup."

"That neither of us can eat," Nick reminded him.

"I don't require an answer. It's enough to know that you are aware of it as an option. I may not have the ability to be attracted as it were, but I only want to make it clear that you mean very much to me."

For someone who couldn't actually cry, he had a lot of crying in him. "I... same to you."

Codsworth tilted his eyes questioningly.

"I don't know if it's me, or this body, or... or just something that happens, but I don't have it either. The romantic kinda love. And sexual kind, I... maybe once in a blue moon, but I've gone a long time without it--forever, unless you count old Nick--and it's not seemed to hurt me much. And you mean a lot to me, too. You... you're..." He heaved a shuddering sigh. "There's nobody out there quite like you, Codsworth, and my life's better with you in it."

The wheel, which had still been running over his back and shoulders this entire time, paused. The pincer slipped out from his hand and touched his face very, very gently.

"I'm so very glad," Codsworth said softly.

They stayed there in silence for a long time. When he finally had some strength back Nick pulled himself up alongside the desk. Codsworth came with him, arm curled around his back, lifting up with him like a safety net. He wrapped the blanket tightly around his shoulders.

"Should probably move back to my own bed. Wouldn't want Ellie to come back and think I'm having a half-naked existential crisis on the floor." He shuffled a bit toward the bedroom, but something stopped him part way there. He glanced back and Codsworth was still floating there beside the desk, watching him with those eyes. "You, uh... you want to join me?"

"Mr. Nick," Codsworth said, "I can think of nothing I'd rather do."


End file.
